to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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