i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
