God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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