I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
