it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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