you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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