She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
