i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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