people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
