I hate your face
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize