So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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