Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
