Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
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