be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
