Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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