Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
