at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
