apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
