you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize