It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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