Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
