I think my vagina is haunted
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
