Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
