there's paper in my vomit.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
