I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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