margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I love you.
Bad choice
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
