There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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