Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
