he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
