You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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