her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Did I show you my penis last night?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
