i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
