I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
