it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize