Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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