Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
