M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
