I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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