my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
organizing the empties. That sober.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
