Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
