I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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