Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
