Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i would punch a child for taco bell
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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