i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Barsexuality is the new black.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
