i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
