Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
