I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize