Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
