Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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