So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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