what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
