I will die if light touches me.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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