hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
