I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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