C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
