I CAN MOONWALK!
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
