"it" just moved
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
