swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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