I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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