don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize