If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize