Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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