4 words: hood of his car
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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