The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
