I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
