What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
as a side note pls kill me
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
