You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
