what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
