they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
