She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
