ugly people sure do ruin things
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Success! We fucked roommates!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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