You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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