I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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